I am so sorry October 2010 is so late. Nevertheless, I think it’s a beauty!
“You’ll never win anything with kids”, as the name suggests, is an album which, sometimes tenuously, contains a bunch of great tracks which at some point feature kids singing on them. On paper, this sounds like a diabolical idea for an album, but put these tunes through your cans and you’ll be humming along soon enough. No doubt, some songs will immediately spring to mind when you think of tracks with kids singing on them – don’t worry, they’ll be on here. But then there’s more! Those tracks you’d forgotten or didn’t realise were so good, and still featured those pesky kids!
I set a few groundrules for myself - actually, I decided on one thing - no Hanson - and then made it into a groundrule: the track had to be by adult artists, feature kids and not be intended for kids. This got me out of some possibly awkward situations (Hanson, Bob the Builder, Nizlopi), and as I see it, the only regret of the groundrule is not being able to include anything by the Jackson 5. But rules are rules. And if you'd got the Jackson 5 you'd probably have got Hanson too. So count yourself lucky.
So what’s with the album cover? Some of you might have already made the link, though it’s a bit of a Brit/soccer connection. The guy on the cover is Alan Hansen, legendary Scottish Liverpool FC defender-turned-very-respected-tv-football-pundit. He is very respected, but back at the start of the ‘95/96 season he famously said – in strong Scottish accent – “You’ll never win anything with kids” after Man Utd lost on the opening day 3-1 to Aston Villa. Well, those “kids” included David Beckham, Nicky Butt, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Gary Neville. That season the team went on to win both the league and the cup, and Hansen’s quote lives long in the collective memory. So infamous is the quote, that rumours abound that Hansen has allegedly pulled all audio of the incident from the internet. I tried to find it for the CD, but alas, no luck.
Tracklisting
1. Pink Floyd - The Wall
A fine start to any album, this anthemic number sets the tone nicely. Quality start.
2. POD - Youth of the Nation
New to me, this one. Early 2000 rock-rap crossover, a little cheesy, but surprisingly catchy.
3. New Pornographers - Breakin' the Law
Another track and band new to me, loving their work here
4. Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
Justice steps up the pace with a fine, catchy dance track, with plenty of kiddy-winks singing along.
5. Mull Historical Society – Instead
Back in the early 2000s I loved Mull Historical Society, mostly because of a single trip to the isle of Mull off the west coast of Scotland. Quirky styling and dubious singing abound, and not just because of the kids. I still, peculiarly, like this, though repeat listening is a little harsh.
6. Rolling Stones: You can't always get what you want
Trust the Stones to bring some quality and grounding back to this album. Got to love Mick Jagger’s pleading voice on this one.
7. Leonard Cohen - Last Year's Man
Speaking of pleading voices, here’s the god of Melancholy, Leonard Cohen, doing what he does best. Opening with the line, “The rain falls down on last year’s man”, it would be a challenge to write a sadder, more plaintiff cry to the opening line of any song. Interspersed with some kids in the background and you’ve got something which contrasts most songs on this album; youth voices juxtaposed against an almost unbearable sadness. Ps. The kids appear towards the start of the song; I believe it’s an adult female vocalist towards the end.
8. Tina Turner: We Don't Need Another Hero
When those instant synthesised pan-pipes hit it can only mean two things: One, it’s the 80s; Two, it’s Tina Turner. Careful listening to the lyrics makes this the perfect follow-up to Leonard, and provides just the hint of cheese which is to come. We turning things up!
9. Martika - Toy Soldiers
If we’re doing 80s kids songs, we can’t get through this album without inducting Martika; a true one-hit wonder, we should all probably have this song somewhere on our itunes.
10. MIA - Paper Planes
OK, so this song has featured on a previous album by a former club DJ. But I make no apology for its re-appearance here. It’s a great song in its own right, newbies to the club should have the chance to appreciate it and it is a blindingly good update on Martika’s work (at least to my mind).
11. Jay-Z - Hard Knock Life
I’m in love with Jay Zed. I think most people know this song, but probably only for the eponymous use of the Annie refrain. Get past this and listening to Jay-Z on the rest of the track reminds me of what a talent he is.
12. Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
It was fairly late on in this album’s creation that I discovered Dirty Harry was full of kids singing. A really testament to its quality that you barely notice. I reckon Gorillaz might have a legacy to come for many years, every listen to their stuff sounds fresh and original.
13. Take That - Never Forget
It’s probably what you’ve all been waiting for the whole album long, and what a way to close things out! The first song I was going to put on this album provides the perfect end game; if there’s a better use of a full boys choir on any pop song, I’m yet to hear it. Seminal work from the masters of cheesy sing-a-long pop, it’s another track you’ll thank me for ensuring is on your itunes library.
1.
Enjoy y’all!
Dr Pepper
